One Step At A Time

Mayo Clinic Report
August 8, 2017

There are many legitimate approaches to life, and there are many legitimate perceptions concerning reality. Two people can observe the same incident and come away with different opinions of what just took place. Consider, just for a moment so we don’t get too distracted from this present topic, the current state of politics in the US. We are all observing the same events, yet we have different opinions about what we see and hear. What is true, and what is not. The news media report the events, but there are many different perspectives. Who’s is the most accurate, the best one? The correct one? We debate this for each observed event. You’ve heard people say,

 “Well, I just tell it like it is!”, and they are 100% correct, because ‘telling it like it is’ has a perspective. Their own.

This same debate has taken place, since man first sought to understand the nature of life, the nature of the observable and unobservable world around him, and the meaning and nature of his own existence. Why am I here? Yes, I was born, but how did the first life begin and why? Am I, and everything I observe some kind of cosmic accident, or was there a design to me, my life, and the universe in general? If there is design, there has to be a designer, for design without a designer is an impossibility. If there is no design, this does not rule out the possibility that a designer exists, but it makes it significantly less likely that one does. People call the designer God. The debate about whether or not there is a God continues non-stop. This debate has taken pace in many different contexts, formats and arenas. 

Science, mathematics, and philosophy have all sought to address the topic. A seventeenth-century French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascall, suggested that each of us bet with our lives that God either exists or does not exist. He argued that a rational person should live as though God exists. When we die, If we are wrong, and there is no God, we simply pass into non-existence. If we live as though there is no God, and we are wrong, when we die, we suffer eternal consequences. His argument was called Pascal’s Wager and is based on his belief about the Christian religion, however similar arguments have taken place with other religions. 

As a college student, with a keen interest in science and the natural world, I had similar questions. Does God exist? Why do I exist? What is my purpose? What is life? Why is there a universe? Universities by nature are organizations created to expand thinking and knowledge. Why else get an education? By nature they tend to be liberal in general, but very conservative when it comes to content specific material. Any by that I mean that you tend to believe that which you are taught, and stick to it (conservative), but when you try to convince people that your particular view (the ‘facts’) on the subject are correct, you ask people to be flexible in their thinking (liberal). That was the stance of a number of my professors, and I remember having debates in different classes about the existence of God. That and universities tend to promote, by their very culture, that thinking and reason rule, so the world and everything in it can be understood using logic and the scientific method. Yet, as I learned from many excellent professors, in many fields of study, about many different scientific and philosophical concepts, ideas, theories and facts, I could not help but see that many were undergird by faith. Not religious faith, but faith that the concept was well understood. Faith that the theory was correct. Faith that the logical steps that had been taken to come to a particular conclusion were the correct steps.

Let’s try a simple question. How do plants grow? Well, everyone knows that plants need  warmth, water, and good soil to grow. Why? It just does. Why not some other elements? What programmed that plant to need those particular things? Well, we can explain the growth process. We can even explain things like phototropism which is the growth of an organism in response to light stimulus. Plants turn towards the sun to get more sunlight. How did that come about? We even know that germination inhibitors are part of the make-up of every seed. These inhibitors prevent a seed from germinating until it’s chances of survival are good. Without these inhibitors, a seed could sprout right inside an apple, for example. How did these inhibitors get here? By evolution? How so? 

In nearly any topic related to the natural world, as I learned I saw two things; 1. I saw design. Over and over and over. 2. If you back up far enough in any natural topic, experts are unable to explain origin, outside of general theories. Will man ever fully understand? So far, there are more things we can’t explain than we can. I don’t think that will change. Yes, we gain more knowledge and yes, we are ‘smarter’ in some ways. However, you don’t know, what you absolutely don’t know. We all live by faith in some regard when it comes to the notion of life in general, and our own specific life in particular.

That we all live by some kind of faith (or basic understanding of how life actually works), and what I saw as consistent and overwhelming evidence of design in the universe, led me to believe that there is a God. But what kind of God?

I grew up in a Christian home, went to church on Sundays, graduated confirmation, but by the time I was in high school, grew to see religion as basically a rule book that I couldn’t live up to, and one that took most of the fun out of life. And while believing that there was a designer, God, I carried on with parties, drugs, selling/ distributing and living on the edge sometimes while riding and racing my bicycle. (the jump to performance enhancing drugs is actually a fairly small step. I did some, but didn’t see a huge advantage at the time. It’s different now days.) I’m amazed I never ended up in jail. I had a number of close calls with law enforcement and university officials. I even had friends who had mafia contacts. I once loaned them money to pay off a debt to one of those contacts. I’d rather not go into more detail, but trust me, I was not on a good path.

As time went on, I couldn’t help but notice the growing void in my spirit. There was an emptiness that could not be filled, no matter what I tried to fill it with. I was helpless in this regard. The void grew. Darkness expanded. Eventually I realized I was lost. 

Around this time my brother Bob had come to a personal understanding of who Christ was. I shared a room with him. He would leave tracts around, and at times I would glance at them. Sometimes taking the time to read them when no one was around. 

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

My Sunday school teaching suddenly took on a new perspective. God is a God of love and here I was perishing. Rather than sterile knowledge, this revelation had personal meaning.

Ephesians 2:8-10

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

An evening or two later, I asked my brother about these things. We knelt and prayed. God revealed himself to me through Christ, and I understood the gift He had just given me. That my sins were forgiven. That Christ died for ‘me’. The void I had was suddenly filled with joy.

Since then my life has been more like the story of the Israelites wandering in the dessert. Sometimes leaving and forgetting God, but each time I fall on my face, and come to Christ for forgiveness, I’m reminded that I’ve been set fee. Freedom is a powerful gift. It eliminates the fear of the future. The fear of eternity. My eternity is certain. I know where I’m headed. Heaven. I have no doubts about it. I am certain in my faith, in my creator, my designer, and my savior. God brought me to this realization, one small step at a time. Let freedom ring, and reign!

The freedom from the fear of the future enables you to move through life with confidence, even when circumstances are challenging. Like my current challenge with cancer. 

My daughter accompanied me to my appointment on August 8th. She flew in from Chicago. I drove this time and picked her up at the Minneapolis air port. Its an eight hour drive, plus another hour or so to Rochester. 

At this appointment I did not do a scan, so we don’t know the effects of the last procedure in June. Instead, we were set up with an Oncology team. I’m now on the Blue Team. This team is composed of three physicians, one Fellow, a nurse practitioner, and three registered nurses. 

We reviewed the facts;

• Cancer was found in 2010

• They removed part of my kidney successfully

• I returned for scans each year

• In September of 2016 they found two lesions on my pancreas. They were renal metastases

• I have stage 4 cancer

• I had EUS RFA procedures in Feb, Mar, April, May. In June, just alcohol injections in the tumor on the head of the pancreas. They couldn't do the tumor on the tail, he didn't want to risk burning a hole in my pancreas there.

• The EUS RFA procedure appeared to work ultimately

The doctors (I saw two of them) told me that at this point surgical options are no longer available, for several reasons, one of which is that the risks of killing my pancreas (and me) are just too great after all those procedures, and they question the effectiveness of doing more given the current situation. So, we are in a wait-and-see mode. I go back in another two months for a scan. This scan will give us some kind of idea of the effectiveness of the last procedure (June, remember they said the tumor was shrinking before they did the procedure). Every four months I’ll do a scan. As long as the tumors are growing slowly, or not at all, we do nothing. If the tumors start growing again quickly, become too large, or we see more of them, we switch to drugs of last resort. The key phrase here is “drugs of last resort”. They do not cure. They ‘might’ prolong my life for a short time, but there are side effects. 

Now when the Dr. said the phrase, “drugs of last resort”, the words “weapons of mass destruction” came to mind. It was a phrase I didn’t like hearing, but I knew I was in a tight spot from the very beginning, so while I didn’t like hearing it, it wasn’t anything new.  It just had a more realistic feeling to it. 

I asked him about a timeline.

“... First of all, this tumor is slow growing. It’s very indolent. Secondly, you’ve had a lengthy disease free time. Both of these things are in your favor, as is the fact that you’re feeling great right now.”

“I”m gaining weight, I replied.”

“I’m not suprised, he said, I would expect that at this point. “So, how are you dealing with this information, he asked?”

“Fine, I said. “ I wasn’t afraid, panicky, or nervous. God filled me with peace. I know where I’m headed ultimately, besides, the tumor was shrinking at last report, so I feel like I’ll be good for a while.

“What are you doing now that you’re retired, in light of this diagnosis last September, he asked?”

“Well, I’m remodeling my basement, I just built a deck, and next week I”m buying a motorcycle, I answered.”

“I LOVE IT! That’s great! Make sure you wear a helmet!” He lit up when he responded. It was great. 

Heather asked a number of great questions, and when we left the doctor we set up an appointment for October for a scan. 

When we got in the car to leave the clinic and head back to our hotel, I said to Heather, 

“I’m driving you back to Chicago, if that’s OK with you.”

“OK?  she said, Yes, that would be GREAT!”

... and you know the rest of that story if you followed my Mayo Clinic Update reports. We had a fantastic time. Because, right now, there’s no better time than the present!

So now what? Some thoughts;

• There's nothing new here. We’ve known from the get-go that this story has a very specific ending, we just don’t know how long the story will last. This is a minor detail, given eternity.

• The doctors I met with have no idea what the results are of the last procedure, outside of Dr. Levy’s surgical notes. So, the tumors may be continuing to shrink, or could be gone, or could be just sitting there. (or could be growing again)

• I’ve had these tumors (in a state of being too small to observe) for 8 years. They could just sit there again for a while.

• I’m nearing my 1 year anniversary of this current diagnosis. I actually had a pretty good year this past year.

• I think the Drs try to be realistic with you, but error on the side of caution. False hope is a horrible thing, and proving the doctors wrong can be highly motivating!

• Every day is a great day!

What’s next?

- Today I start training for a mtn climb next summer..... something else accomplished one step at a time, God willing...
- Scan in mid October to find out the current status.

I'll keep you informed along the way. The 'drugs of last resort' are a prayer point. I'll need to know whether or not to I should give them a go,    if    when that time comes, and let's hope it will be quite a long time before I have to make any decisions.



God Bless!
Love, Mike and Deb